bimbo... ur just so not cool...

lets start with im not perfect crap...

i knw i talked shit bout others aswell..
i knw i can be a bitch.. HOT bitch when i wanna....
i knw i always sometime or everytime curse...
i knw i cant sometime take my eyes off hot guys....
i knw that theres alot weakness i hav and i need to improved about....
but baby....
of all this stuff that i do...
i knw my limitation...
i knw when and why i become a bitch towards certain people..

i'v said this in my blog A LOT of times....

well now...
this is for u....


lets make this clear sweety..
U CANT BE ME AND THE HELL I WANNA BE U...
:)

alhamdulillah that i am given a good physicality and anything that i got by ALLAH....

never forget where i got this hikmat from...

i knw i took advantage of it... often i do..
some girls wud do the same thing too...
but then....
girl...
u cant... u dont hav what it takes...
u dont hav the personality.. the attitude...

and now ur saying I WANT TO BE YOU?
OMG...

YOU????????

WHATS THERE IN U ANYWAY?
whats so interesting about YOU??
along with ur bad attitude and all those shits to be added up.!
now tell me whats there in u for me to wanna copy about?
already speechless?

saying that i copied ur style?
sweety.....
whats there in ur style?

hav i ever wanna copy u?
NEVER!
i dont care whatever u hav or who ever u may be....
i hav no interest in copying u!!
ohmygod!
saying that i copy ur looks?
I AM FUCKING HOT BEING MY OWN SELF OKAY!
trying to be u is like trying to make myself not hot!
and from wht i see...

IM NOT THE ONE WHO KEEP BRAGGING ABOUT HAVING SAME LOOK OR STYLE OR WHATSOEVER SHIT TO PEOPLE...


NEXT!
I HAVE A LOT OF GUYS AROUND ME...

let me ask u this 1st..
want to knw why guys u like dont like u back?
cuz of u urself....

lets not talk about "ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM NOW..."
THE HELL WITH IT NOW...

LOOK AT THE MIRROR AND ASK URSELF!
why do people dont like me?
why do people started to distance away from me?
why do people cant accpt me?
why why why??

often think about this.!
i think about it too!!
i knw theres a lot of people out there that hates me...
i dont giv a fuck!
but then..
i still think about it too sometimes..
i need to knw what makes a person to not like me..
if its because of my bhaviour is bad..
then surely i find it a way for me to be better...

but u....
what did u do?
ur not only hav ATTITUDE PROBLEM...
and UR JUDGING OTHER PEOPLE LIKE ITS NOBODY'S BUSINESS??
u started critisizing people as if UR NOT LIKE THEM?
hey uncool bimbo...
what are u trying to do?
make a fool out of ur foolself?

and ur asking why i have a lot of guys...
haha

its because i be myself when im with them..
I KNW HOW TO BEHAVE MYSELF!
sometimes..
ITS NOT THE LOOK WHAT PEOPLE WANNA SEE IN U...
THEY WANT TO SEE UR TRUESELF!
the human-being that u are...
im not all beautiful like a model or anything...
im admitting here...
but the personality what matters....
i dont hav all the values ofcourse but i do hav certain things (idk what...) that people wud like about..
being friends with a lot of guys...
adoring the gods creation of guys being..
maybe dating alot of guys before...
whats the problem with that?

GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN they say...
:)

but u shud knw...
I HAV NO INTEREST IN WANTING TO ARGUE ABOUT GUYS..
so if u think that i wud be angry if the guy i liked being with another girl OR EVEN MY FRIEND...
UR WRONG BIMBO....
i dont giv a damn....
the one and only person i want is "him"....
and if i dont get the guy i love and want most...
its still ok for me..
GUYS ARE NOT ONLY ONE IN THIS WORLD..
hahaha
so dont make another fool of urself....

just so u knw....
all ur mask hav been uncover...
how u'v faking urself in front of people...
ur getting less and lesser friend now...
no 1 wants to get close to u nw...

nak judge org laen konon...
diri sndri pun xda value yg bgs...
konon bgs sgat ntuk org laen...

now u knw....
im not sure who wud wanna be friend with u anymore...
maybe they'll be faking it....
maybe they'll start ingoring u....

they got tired of ur behaviour bimbo...
i do too...
im the person who will nver think of wanting to copy u even if some1 put a gun on my head asking me to...
some1 like u...
is a WASTE OF UTTER SPACE...


PERIOD....

missing the old days......

i remmber the time when me and my silly siblings do so many crazy stuff and got scolded in so many crazy way!

u may think ur family is crazy but mine... mine is extraordinary INSANE..!!!
hahhaha

THERES STUPID MOMENT...
~ parents was not around and elder brother was not being that responsible as a brother...
third brother pilled up all the cushion(chair cushion..) until its sky high...
(well.. i was 3 or 4 back then so its sky high to me.. hihi)
he climb the mountain of cushion and JUMP to the ground...
WHOAAAAAAA... :O
my hero...... so cool ryte...
he then said... "u can try it too! i help u up!"
(baek nya abg aq kan... LOL.. siap mo tlg aq naek atas cushion tue lg..)
so i climbed up the cushion... so proud...
then i jump to the ground!!
PAAPPP!!!!
(lips hit the cupboard...)
i guess i jump too far that i hit my lips to the cupboard...
parents just got back n u knw what i said?
"BROTHER FORCE ME TO JUMP FROM THERE.... (SHOW THE PILLED CUSHION... ) UWAAAAA!!!!!!" HE HE HE
amik engkau... free2 abg kenak marah n pukul i think.. LOL...
jahat nya aq....
mummy quickly took medicine and put on my lips... XD

THERES EVIL MOMENT!
~ me and my siblings use to HATE our neighbour's daughter!!
she's slightly older than me... VERY ANNOYING INDEED!!
what bother us most was when she call MY dad "daddy" too!
she knws how to act around my parents...
come to our house uninvited...(gila emotional.. dendam lama nie! hahaha)
and always report to dady about all the crazy things that we do around the house!

so one day......(chee.. mo jgk kan.. ahha)
we were doing our afternoon routine with my cousins....
wanna knw what?
CATCH FROGS! baby frogs!!
HAHAHAHHA
where?
drain ofcourse!
longkang besar!
so...
as we were doing our usual routine.....
SHE came....
and was trying to report on us to my dad about our SECRET routine...
me and my cousin was so pissed...
so... we got out of the drain.....
and PUSH her into the drain and ran!
ahhahahaha
we ran like shit cuz her annoying voice was crying so loud!
HE HE HE.....
i knw...
me and my cousin is awesome...
~another evil moment is when i got my younger sister...
she is pretty much an annoying lil ass back then...
even now i must say..
hahahahaha
but no worry!
this big sis love her dearly much...
(dont cry when u read this sis.. LOL..)
she was still on her chair that can move around..
(no idea what that thing call... so hopefully u understand what i meant... haha)
back then...
she always sometime usually report to my mom what we say...
(what we say as in what we talk about in chinese...)
she's a brilliant kid....
she havnt went for school but she understand quite alot of things that we say...
im a lucky girl cuz i learnt chinese since i was born...
brother spoke chinese to me since the 1st time i cud say a speech...
ANYYYWAYYYYY...
whenver she annoyed me....
i will put her to the whatever chair...
and spin her round and round and round....
ki ki ki,,,
she'll cry and it makes me happy...
happy happy happy... <3

CUTE MOMENT...
~ my dad is a very very very serious person...
he's strick! he's scary and he's also hav a garden in his heart.. <3
one time.... he was very upset about something....
that he went to the room and dont want to go out of the roon...
i still remmber...
that wasnt a good mommnt but its a great memory for me...
and siblings and mommy dont knw what to do..
its time for dinner and they dont knw how to tell my dad and how to make him feel better...

then...

mummy called me....
HERE I COME TO THE RESCUE!
kikiki
i was and still my daddy's girl...
<3
cudden live without him....
so....
mum asked me to "pujuk"(malas mo cri kamus.... lupa apa english dia...) dady and asked him eat..
so i went inside...
"daddy.. u owkayy?"
"daddy's ok syg....."
"can i sleep beside u?"(he took me and let me lay beside him and hugged me tight.... after a while... mom came in and asked us to go for our dinner... daddy was okay right after... <3 thats my dadyy.. not urs!)
~also another moment....
as i say... i was my daddy's gal...
so back in kk...
we live as lower middle class....
house wasnt that big... but its enough for the eight of us...
i sleep with my parents along with my younger sis...
to wake us up.. parents must cuddle with us first..
kikiki....
so..... my dad will cuddle me and mom will cuddle younger sis...
everytime when dady focus just a sec to my younger sis...
i'll get really upset..
so what i did was...
from bed.... i move to the floor and sleep there..
hahahahaha
that happn till im moved to twu ok...
so dont mind my silliness!
daddy will eventually get me back to the bed and hug me tight...
:'( i miss my daddy!

for more storys..

to be continue~

you shud answer this questions.....

am i that hard for u to understand?

is it that hard to be honest?

do i have to fake my happiness everytime im with my friends so that they dont knw how im actually so weak because of u...?

do i really have to do this all over again?

is it worth it for me to break my heart AGAIN for u?

is all the tears that i shed because of u even matters to u?

do u care about me?

did u really think of me?

or u just say u were when u actually werent?


hey.....
im too weak for all this....
enough already.....
seriously... ENOUGH ALREADY...
u'v done a great job... :)
u did....
turning my heart into dust...
u'v succeeded... now stop......
just stop......

i cant stand it anymore...

i. just. cant.

i love u forever..

remmber that...

just remmber that part only.

the night call...

i was having fun surfing the web..
LOL...
the usual rutine that i do every single night...

suddenly my phone put up "shot" song by lmfao...
hurh... i was hoping for "marry you" song by bruno mars...
cuz if thats the song.. i knw who the text is from.. <3

anyhow....
some1 i used to love...
use to make my life full of controversial...
make me go crazy....
use to giv me chocolates...
use to buy me food when i say im hungry.. :)
and use to buy me donuts from kk when we were actually had broken up...
*see.. i dont really talk all bad about u... hahaha

 well.. he text me..

its not like we nver text before...
but its just so weird that he text me at that hour...

texting....

"hey girl!!"

"eyh???? arent u suppost to be at ************??"

" reach heart! (sampai hati).... hanis.. i dont knw y.. everytime im horny i thought of u.."

"whatthefuck?? hahahahhaha ur crazy zara(not a real name..)"

"im serious..........."

"y did u even feel horny so sudden anyway??"

"dunno... huhu"

"Y DO U EVEN THOUGHT OF ME WHEN UR HORNY???? HAHAHHAHAHAHAH"

"i dont hav the ans for that too... huhu sorry...."

"where the heck are u anyway??"

"im in kk.... looking for 'hole' "

"stupid... ==" btw.. whats ur email.. i forgot to copy last time..."

"********dido*******" 

"y didnt u just put dildo instead.. hahahahhaha"

" can u stop making me even MORE HORNY?????"

"hahahahhahaha why the hell are u horny from the first place!!"

"hanis... ur online right.... can u send me some pics...? i cant online at this hour!"

"==" NOT A CHANCE.. I DONT WANNA SPOIL MY VIRGIN PHONE!!! GO LOOK AT UR GF'S PHOTO!"

"hanis.. that wont work.. c'mon....."

"NO WAY.... widden ur imagination.. u can do it! hahahahha "

"HANIS!! NO NEED! im done!! im ok already!!" (this is where u shud understand when he say "done".....) 

just when he finished doing god-knws-what...
he called me.. ==" 
that was the most awkward moment in my entire life... PERIOD!

"hanissss.... hurh.. hanisss... im done.. woohoooo.."

"ewwww zara!!! ewwww!!! dont call me!!! ewwwww!!! k bye bye bye!!!"

*hung up...

ringing.... 
he called again...

"hanisss!! haha dont worry la.. im done......"

"I STILL DONT WANNA TALK TO U!!!"

"hahhahaha chill laa..... i myself felt weird y i suddenly thought of u.."

"==" i think i felt way more weird than u do...."

"hahahhahhaa dont worry.... im done now... im safe... i wont think about that anymore... hahahhaha"

"whatever zara!"

bla bla blaa....

"i am sooo gona post this on my blog!!! hahahaha dnt worry... i wont say ur real name! ahhahahahahha"

"fuck! no hanis... no!! hahahaha i am so not gonna call u when im horny again!" (as if im hoping for his phone call ryte.. hahaha)

"not a chance zara... ur gona be in my blog! now go to sleep!!"

"hahhaa k.. imma sleep now.. continue with my fantasy....."

"eewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! go to sleep!!"

"hey.. i didnt say anything! ahhahaa u go to sleep too!"

"im not sleepy! n i'll sleep when IM DONE WITH MY BLOG! HHAHAHA night!"

*hang up....

n here i am now.. its 1.04am.. still LMAOL...
epic moment... 

oh jerawat..

AKU BENCI KAU!!!!!

:'(((((((((((((((

almost d saman jpj... NASIB AQ ROCK! :))

so...
i was behind the wheel...
driving happily...
hahaha
sis sitting beside me...
too tired...

we just came back from dinner...
well..
the fact that she's not driving the car the whole day makes it weird for her to feel tired from the 1st place..
IM THE 1 WHO HAV TO STAY AT COLL FROM 9AM TO 3 PM n i dont even complain.. ahhaa
n i was the 1 who drove the car right after she fetch me from coll..
:)

owh3!!
i wore hijjab today!
before that..
imma show u the picture!

so yeah..

anyway..
back to the story..
it was 9 smthing pm..
i was driving the car from shah alam to bangi..
:)

at the tol...
suddenly my sis asked me..

"hanis... ada bwa lesen hanis kah??"

"ada..... kenapa? ada dlm beg tue..."

"mana beg hanis...?"

i felt suspecious..

why so sudden ryte?

"ada checking polis after tol..."

"huhhh?? hbs la..."

"ai... knp?"

"hanis kan P! mcamana la nie? kreta fy sua la teda P..."

"haish... xpa... polis jgk..... tgk la... atau gni la! hanis guna lesen fy? nnti da trus bg jalan kah?"

"aw.... mati la kalau gtu... errr... FY! bwt2 pening!! jadi hanis ckp hanis bwa kreta sebab fy pening.... n n n hanis ckp la hanis bru pindah dri sabah.. lom bli P lg...."

"byk la hanis sana..... xpyhla.. nnti susah lg kita nnti... ckp jak bnda btul la.... susah lg nnti kalau kita kantoi.."

"erm.. bha.. yalah...."



at tol...

"mati la.... JPJ.... lg truk.... nsb kita la nie..."

"=="..... sua la hanis yg driving skg.. nsb la.."

certain car was excuse from getting check by the JPJ... nvm.. their luck....

i was hoping to hav the same luck like them but HAMPEH! teda la gtu ya...

uncle jpj saw us a glimps then he directly asked us to park at the place he showed... 

DAMN.... im really dead nw...

"lesen n ic cik..."

"okey... :))"*smiled...

tgk2 ic...... then tgk lesen...... then bdiri dpn kreta..... 

"ala... dia tgk roadtax jak tue..."

dlm hati... "idts....."

then pkcik tue pg bhgian blakang...

told u!

"cik.. mana P cik?"

"erk? blom bli lg encik..."

"er.. ncik.. nie kreta sya... "

"cik.. sepattnya.. kreta nie dpandu oleh pemilik kreta nie... knp adik cik yg pandu plak?"

"saya pening la ncik... lgpun saya bru lepas kelas..(padahal bru dri makan2...)" kmu ndak sedar sesuatu? SHE'S USING MY IDEA! AHAHHAHAHA

"hurmmm....."

"sebenarnya ncik.. sya bru pindah cni... dri sabah... so blom bli P lg.... nie pun drive sebb kak pening..." ambek mue... aq guna idea kue plak.. ahahhhaa

"cik... nak saman x?"

"errrr........"aw na pcik... sepa dlm dunia nie mo dsaman?

"ncik.. saya tukar tmpat dgn adik saya la k?" 

"mcmana saya nak pastikan korang xkan tukar tmpat duduk lg nnti lpas korang jalan nie?" 

" er? xkan3... :))" paling innocent punya muka la sua aq bwt tue... btw.. sepanjang becakap ma pcik tue... ndak pernah aq tdak snyum.. senyum jak........... ahhaha

"erm...... xpe la... jalan la...." 

"jalan? trima ksh ncik! hihihihi"

hari yg sngt bahagia bwtkue... hahahha
terlepas dri saman... dunia ini sungguh bahagia rasanya...

lpas tue apa lg...
driving 110km/h la... ahhaa
ada sis... ==" dia xyakin adik da drive laju2..
hahaha
110 was the limit.. nvm....
im just so happy that i got thro the JPJ.......... 

u can nver be mine.. :)

whats do u desire most?
if u cud hav ONE THING in this world..
what wud it be?
why wud u even want that thing??

something related to cash?
something related to feelings?
humans?
nature?
pets????

just anything....

what i want is..
ur heart...

 it can nver be easy when it comes to u...

secretly i fall for u..
nver thought it'll be this way...
i end up liking u for months..
nver knew u'd catch my heart this way...

what u shud knw is..
ur breaking me silently...
i was hoping that im wrong...

what i'v done just to see if what i feel is right or wrong..
following the wrong path just for me to be sure...

not the christ part... :)
my religion towards islam will nver be weaken..

BUT THE PATH THAT I THOUGHT IS RIGHT FOR ME..
i thought this wud help..
i thought maybe...
just maybe...
this wont hurt me anymore...

I KNW I WONT BE THIS WAY FOR LONG....

i like u too much... :)
i want u sooooo badly...
ur like the cloud... i can see u so clearly but i can nver get u..
even when i touch u.. i still cant feel u,,..

just to think that ur so close to me...

can i ever?

U tell me...

i dont knw whats on ur mind..
what ur thought about me...
whether i giv effect towrds u or not...

thats ur religion...

we are far diffrent from the beginning arent we?
u and i.....
we are not alike...

ofcourse the part that ur male n im female is another story...
hahaha

u seem to understand women...
or did u just make it LOOK LIKE u understand women?

a moment for me to wonder....

fine...
i'v made my mind..
u'r good with women's thought...
a nice guy..
but then..
dont really talk much to girls?
or u just dont like to talk to me?
geeyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

stop! stop! stop!!!!

im being my nonesense-self again..
always with the bad thought..

:'(

but thats the thing..
i think its just me...
i think im the 1 who's being so scared bout ruining what i might hav that i didnt do what i wanna do,,..

which is to be close to u....

im a sad person..
hiding behind a shade..
looking at u in a distance..
starring at ur beauty without u noticing..(at least i think so..)
wanting u to be mine..
ALWAYS... ALWAYS... ALWAYS...


if i cud ever telling u anything thats on my mind right now...
i wud love u to knw...

"u'r always so nice and calm.."
"doesnt even look like DURIAN to me..."
"maybe u do judge... but hopefully... u'r still hav ur ONE OF A KIND CHARACTER that i think is attrctve enough that makes me like u this much.."
"i am a nobody that likes u..."
"dont look back if theres actually nothing to see.."
"dont make that attractive smile when we talk cuz that cud just melt my heart.."
"dont make me feel that u liked me when ur not.."


"btw.. HTCC... i like u... i guess.... :)"

what i learnt in islamic studies class.. :)

wow..
i nver try to miss this class cuz its like my fav class ever..
yeah yeah..
i dont wear hijjab...
i usually show my aurat...
but then.,..
isnt this a step for me to get near to HIM?
to understand my religion well so that when people ask me.. i'd knw whaat to answer.. PROUDLY...

so..
lets get on with it shall we?

i found out that for malay...
bersanding is actually HARAM...
yes people..
HARAAAAMMMMM!

*if u dont knw what 'sanding' means..
go you tube and search -persandingan org melayu
just in case if u dont knw la..

its kinda intresting cuz every1 knws sanding is like the huge thing for a marrige ryte?

so some people gave their opinion...
y sanding shud be held and everything...

" the existance of sanding is to show every1 that the couple already married.."
" sanding is to closen the relationship betw both family of the newlywed.."

but then...
see the bad side of it...
after such an event...
u'll always hav somthing to commnt about ryte?
like..
"omg... the bride waas fat..."
"omg... the guy is shorter than the girl!"
"the place was not nice laa.. they shud hav made the wedding somewhere else..."

well..
from this..
u'r considered as making a sin of talking bad bout people..
and so...
this has made a conclusion that such an event will only lead to smthing bad rather than something good...

ur niat of helding the occasion must be good..
but then..
we all knw we cant shut every1's mouth so eventually some1 gonna say smthing...

in the end..
the sin that they had made...
the one who held the occasion will share the burden of the sin aswell..

intresting huh? :)
VERYYYY...

other intresting things that i knw..
i'v come to knw that theres a lot of intresting name of nabi which is out of the 25 nabi that we must knw..
urgh..
forgot the name but it includes english name aswell..
IM SO EXCITED!!
i can name my child with english name and still follow the name of nabi..
XDDD

okok..
im weird that way..
but nvm....

n i remmbered theres 1 who cud talk to nature..
:)
water will listen to him.....
its intresting dont u think?

fine...
certain people may find it hard to be a muslim..
cover this...
cant do this n that..
but to think about it...
theres like so many good reason for all the rules that was set for us...

I KNW I DONT COMPLETE MOST OF THE RULES THAT AN ISLAM SHUD HAV DONE..

but yeah...
its not wrong to say smthing good ryte?
its a lesson for me and for u aswell!
:))

God created everything to be easy for us..
its for us human to fullfill them...
whether we want to do it or not..
its up to us..
cuz in the end..
the sin n good deeds is from us aswell..
dont blame God for the things that happnds..
blame urself...
ur the 1 who dont want to do the easy things that God ask u to do..

finally..
ALLAHUAKHBAR..
God is almighty...
whats bad is always from me...
and whats good comes from Allah..