in Tawau, people knows people..

There's no place like home...

living almost my whole life here made me fond to this calm and peaceful surrounding..

but in this town of mine...

there's one thing i hate most...

is being known by people..

by anonymous..

by strangers..

by people who love giving shit about my life...

i know i'm a nobody...

i'm no artist...

i'm no politician...

i'm nothing....

i'm just a teenage adult who still live under my parents armpits...

don't know much shit about how life should be done cause i'm always protected by my siblings...

i do all the wrong things cause life still young..

its fun doing stupid things once in a while..

in reality..

i'm the daughter of somebody who use to be a 'somebody' here...

not being arrogant...

not being proud...

not showing off..

so because of that...

every steps that i made are being watched by people..

i couldn't live my life without some random person calling my parents saying that they saw me somewhere in town...

i couldn't live my life without my facebook picture being taken by some random old dude to be shown to my parents...

the fuck with that??

it's not always fun to be known by people..

it's not always fun when people talks about you..

it's not fun at all when you can't be yourself in front of people just because they aspect a lot from you..

faking a smile in front of a bitch so that they won't talk shit about you is a misery...

you can't show your middle finger cause who know... this might comes out in the news the next day...

in Tawau.. people knows people...

busy body talks...

gossipers spreads...

and the one who got hurt is the victims...

2012 resolution.

honestly... i never had this resolution thing before cause i had lived my life following its flow..
but since i'm reaching my 20 now.. i guess i had to think of something that could make me look my age.. something 'mature' in other word...

so let see what i had in mind...

1st of all...
as what i had already stated in my facebook, i would like to be a better Muslimah.... i know i'm not a good enough person and always made too much mistakes in one time... but hopefully through time, i'll learnt from my mistakes.. little by little... Insha Allah...

2nd..
i believe i'm going to stick being single again through this whole year... :) why so? its not that i have become lesbian or anything... i just think that i have not yet settled my feelings towards that one man i have a crush on... emphasize the 'HAVE'... means i still do like him to this point... i don't know when it will end... he still have my heart and too stubborn to return it... therefore, i'll wait till my heart is return before i find myself another lover to give to...

3rd...
to love all the scandals i will have and is currently having evenly... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA (ayat mau kena penampar terunggul!) kidding...

4th..
to live a happy life going through all the hardship i'm going to face... laugh along with all the mistakes i'm going to make.... cry to every sad moments i'm going to endure and suck up with it.... be less angry with anything that comes in between...

5th and foremost...
i just wish that along this year... i will forget about you.... going through everything without you in my dream or even my sight.... cause if u happened to appear, i might need another more year to recover... so be gone... just appear as one of my memories that i sometimes remember...