Mr perfect-in-my-eyes-dude-who-always-wears-black-or-white-sometime-red-blue... AKA LaLa..

this is dedicated specially for u...
yes you...

i'v been thinking for a while now..
what to write in my blog...
i hav a few draft about some other stories but i just dont think thats the right time to tell em to u guys... :)
but just now when i was in car...
i feel like something already missing in this already empty heart....
i knw im leaving a huge part of me behind...
my CRUSH ofcourse..
my long term crush.... my cudden change till now crush... my drug crush... my most irresistable crush!

today is the last day for me to meet him...
the fact that he's going to his hometown... im going to mine...
he's going to the west.. im going to the east.... (no clue where the heck east and west actually is... but u get what i mean... heh heh heh )

theres a few regrets that i just cudden forgive myself...
i regret on not wishing him luck...
i regret on always nver smiled when i walk pass him..
i regret on not saying my most probably last goodbye to him...
i regret that until the very end... i still end up being as cold as i am now towards him and vise versa.. when we actually cud hav a conversation as a normal human being.. friend to friend i mean....

but theres always good moments that i carry with me everywhere i go...
the fact that the 1st time he came... very 1st time i saw him.. i actually talked to him and he reply with a smile.. :)
the fact that altho i may be SYOKSENDRI... but theres a time when he's being a gentleman that makes me more adore him...
the fact that he always hav his cool sides no matter what happns...
the fact that we had lunch tgther b4.. with a bunch of other people... (haish... susah nie... byk rahsia bocor kalau truskan.... =="................ lantak la...)
the fact that i cud smile and blush just to talk about the above.. ==" seriously... ask iman and eiya..(mangsa luahan perasaan yg merana nie... heh heh heh..)
the fact that he has this very cute face when he smile.. hahaha MAIA KNWS WHY.. hahaha
and every other facts to add with...

and now im leaving for sabah...
everything about him is playing like a video inside my head..
bit by bit it plays for me...
and bit by bit lama2 jadi bukit.... so now my rindu for him from membukit to mengunung...

i wonder whether i cud ever talk to him again...
friends even asked me to start a conversation but IM JUST FREAKING SHY! ==" SERIOUSLY!!!
this is abnormal...
i dont nrmally do this kind of things...
i mean.. i dont normally get shy about this kind of things... lol....
it use to be so easy but its just so hard when its him... him who i call LALA..

and so...
i wish i cud be stronger...
i wish i cud face him and talk... not more than a friend... cause everything shud starts with a friend...
im not rushing things but from where i stand now.. im not even moving so giddy up hanis!!
haha
i use to want him soooo bad... thats just what i use to feel..
now i finally knw that i need him..
:) want is just an urge but need involves my life! haha no la... im not gonna kill myself for a dude.. =="

whats he's real name? where he studies? how old is he?
that... is a secret for me to keep...
i gav too much info already... :)

last wish for him...
tho i may need u like i said just now... but im not the over reacted obsessive bitch.. haha
find a girl for the perfect you and be a perfect couple for both of u... marrige is just too early to talk about so let it be that for nw.. hahaha
and and and!! be successful in life and after life..
*i even wish for another thing but its just to controversial to mention it here so imma keep it to myself... ;p