dugaan bah nie kan Ya Allah? kan??

first of all..

thank you best friends...

i'm touched by each one of you..

for caring so much about me..

for sparing me some of your attention and care...

thank you for being there for me when i thought i have no one..

thank you for saying things that comfort me..

thank you for giving advise though you quite know that some of them doesn't really help.. :)

but still.. thank you...

this may sound ridiculous, but i'm going back to my path..

i think i'm not lost anymore... i'm talking about my religion.. 

it may be ridiculous because of how i was before and how i end up now..

i want to be closer to God...

BUT..

this doesn't mean i'm going to do a drastic changes..

i may not be wearing hijjab yet..

i may not be wearing outfits that covers all of my skin yet...

i may not stop cursing yet..

i may not be a fully obedient child yet...

it takes small steps for me to move forward but small steps is enough rather than no steps at all..

small steps is enough as long as this small steps brings me straight to Allah's path..

since i'm trying to be a good Muslimah..

i think God starts to give me His attention again...

He gives me obstacle again...

He starts making me stronger than i was again..

He starts making me think again...

Alhamdulillah Ya Allah..

i can't cry through this pain i am going through now..

i can't be weak..

i know that is what God want me to do..

to be strong and to face them with no fear...

why am i upset lately..?

just that if... and only if...

i couldn't be what i wanted to be... my ambition...

then it has already been a fate from God..

other than God Himself, no one else can stop me from becoming what i want to be...

i'm facing my obstacle right now...

about my ambition...
it's so upsetting that i can't even focus on my study...
it's so upsetting that i don't know what to think right now..
i can't lie that i didn't cry...

i did.. 

but this doesn't mean i'm giving up.. not at all!

but then..
if i am ought to change my ambition,

i have second choice in mind..

another hard ambition...

but i don't think i can find other thing that suit me well other than the two ambition i have..

Allah have His own way to show me His love for His humble slave...

i am now accepting the love and will return it with honor..

i will try to do good and i will try to be better..

i'm making no sense again right? if so.. ignore me.. and move on to your next blog.. ;p